The fountain of you

I used to think that not feeling “enough” was a symptom caused by a lack of validation from someone else.

My mindset was “I must not be enough because I’m not receiving enough (love, support, encouragement, etc.).”

For me, feeling “enough” was also dependent on how high or low someone else valued me.

So it’s not surprising that I carried this mentality into my romantic relationships, and the break ups that followed.

From this view point, my self-prescribed Not-Enough-Syndrome (NES) was a result of being broken up with.

A blinking light reminding me that I wasn’t “enough” for him.

That the girl he replaced me for must be kinder, prettier, smarter…better…

You can imagine that crashing moment when I realized that my NES had absolutely nothing to do with him, or her, and that it had everything to do with me.

I had finally found “The Fountain of You.”

It was me, after all, who had pulled the plug from my own “fountain” in order to prioritize my exs needs.

Me, who thought that real love was draining parts of my self for him, and using that drained water to fill his “fountain” back up.

Since I was the one responsible for turning off the tap to my fountain, I knew that I was the only one with the power to turn it back on.

So I did, and this time I let the water flow.

Louise Gluck says it best:

Dal centro della mia vita venne una grande fontana…

“From the centre of my life, there came a great fountain…”

…and indeed that fountain is within you.

If you’ve ever attached your worth to other peoples validation, next weeks post has your name on it! I will be discussing my top tips on how to refill your own fountain.

Until then, thank you so much for being here, and if you’ve liked what you’ve read please feel free to share it with a friend.

~d

*oxo.