We’ve all been there.
You’re doing well “respecting your ex’s space,” a.k.a using excessive discipline to not contact them, and then you hit send.
This is after you’ve sworn to yourself, and your besties, that it will never happen again. A major “oops” that Britney warned you’d do again.
Welcome to a texting relapse.
At first you begin to justify why you did it. Maybe you’re telling yourself that the reason was because “I want him to know we’re on good terms” or maybe its his birthday, and you feel that wishing him a “HBD” is the right thing to do.
No matter which way you spin it, the reality is the same: you’ve reached out, and now you’re soaking in self shame.
That “empowered” feeling you had right before you hit “send” has now turned to regret, and you’re having the “Why Did Do That!?” convo with yourself.
I’ve been there, and while I couldn’t change the past, I knew I could change the present by not beating myself up. Here’s how:
1) Tell the Truth
Write down on a piece of paper the real reason you texted them. Were you feeling:
Guilty?
Uncomfortable?
Needy?
Lonely?
Or maybe you were trying to control how he viewed you post break up?
Whatever is true for you, write it down!
2) What “EX”-pectations did you have?
Did you text expecting he/she would answer? That they’d profess that they missed you? Or maybe you thought they would respond warmly, whereas the response you got was colder than an ice cube. Getting real with what you were expecting will help you have clarity and understand why it happened to begin with.
3) OWN It
Archbishop Desmond Tutu talks about the importance of owning our stories in order to be able to let go and forgive (I’ll post the link to his amazing book at the bottom).
In this case, you need to forgive yourself, and the only way to do that is to own what you did.
Use this paragraph to create your powerful ownership statement:
I admit I texted 1._____________(ex’s name) in order to feel 2._________________________________________________________. By doing this I harmed 3._________________________(list who you feel was harmed) , and it’s okay for me to feel 4._____________________(list what you’re feeling).
The next time I feel 5.___________________ (repeat your same answer from #2.), I will 6.__________________________ (how else can you meet those needs?). I give myself permission to forgive 7.________________because 8._________________________________________________.
Example:
“I admit I texted Jake in order to feel validated, accepted, and loved. By doing this I harmed me, and it’s okay for me to feel SUPER rejected. The next time I feel I need validation, acceptance, and love, I will spend time with my furpup Chels, & call a bestie. I give myself permission to forgive myself because I’m allowed to make mistakes- heck no one’s perfect!”
While no contact with an ex is what certain situations need, there are times when reaching out to an ex is needed, and I will be exploring how to tell the difference between those two in next weeks blog.
Now head on over to the comments section below and tell me: Have you ever had a texting relapse? If so, what was the worst part?
Thank you SO much for reading with me today, and I look forward to seeing you here next Wednesday!
~d
*oxo.
Recommended book for this week:
14 Comments
Daniele, thank you for sharing your thoughts on this topic!! I think everyone can relate to this post in several ways! The worst part for me regarding the text relapse, involved losing a bit of myself. The energy of checking to see if that person responded and evaluating their response became very overwelming and led me to spend less time focusing on me. As you mentioned checking in to see why you want to send your ex a message is a must ! There are many times where I write a message or letter to my ex and read it to the universe lol. This helps so much with moving forward and healing to avoid contact with an ex. Thanks again for a great post ! Xo
Phylicia
There is certainly a great deal to learn about this topic.
I really like all the points you’ve made.
Hello! This is my first visit to your blog! We are a collection of volunteers and starting a new project in a
community in the same niche. Your blog provided us beneficial information to work on. You
have done a marvellous job!
My developer is trying to convince me to move to .net from PHP.
I have always disliked the idea because of the costs.
But he’s tryiong none the less. I’ve been using WordPress on a number of websites for about a year
and am concerned about switching to another
platform. I have heard fantastic things about blogengine.net.
Is there a way I can import all my wordpress posts into it?
Any kind of help would be greatly appreciated!
Hmm is anyone else encountering problems with the pictures on this blog loading?
I’m trying to figure out if its a problem on my end or if it’s the blog.
Any feed-back would be greatly appreciated.
It is the best time to make some plans for the future and it
is time to be happy. I’ve read this post and if I
could I desire to suggest you some interesting things or suggestions.
Perhaps you could write next articles referring to
this article. I desire to read more things about it!
Very descriptive article, I loved that a lot. Will there
be a part 2?
I simply wanted to thank you a lot more for your amazing website you have developed here.
It can be full of ideas for those who are really interested in this subject, primarily this very post.
Your all absolutely sweet and thoughtful of others in addition to the fact that reading the blog posts is a wonderful delight in my opinion. And what generous
present! Mary and I are going to have pleasure making use of your suggestions in what we have to do in a few weeks.
Our checklist is a kilometer long so your tips will definitely be put to
excellent use.
My family every time say that I am wasting my time here at net,
except I know I am getting knowledge everyday by reading thes pleasant articles or reviews.
Rattling nice design and fantastic content material, very little else we require : D.
Undeniably consider that which you said. Your favourite justification seemed to be
on the net the simplest factor to take note of.
I say to you, I certainly get annoyed whilst people consider issues that they just don’t understand about.
You controlled to hit the nail upon the top and defined out the entire thing
with no need side effect , other folks can take a signal.
Will probably be again to get more. Thank you
I do not even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was great. I do not know who you are but definitely you’re going to a famous blogger if you aren’t already 😉 Cheers!
F*ckin’ amazing things here. I’m very glad to see your post. Thank you so much and i’m taking a look forward to touch you. Will you kindly drop me a mail?
I’m really inspired with your writing talents as well as with the format on your blog. Is this a paid topic or did you customize it yourself? Either way stay up the excellent quality writing, it’s rare to see a great blog like this one nowadays..